"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."Jerry Seinfeld on Frederick Douglass
"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."Jerry Seinfeld on Anais Nin
"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."Jerry Seinfeld on Oscar Wilde
"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"Jerry Seinfeld on Confucius
"Man becomes great exactly in the degree in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men."Jerry Seinfeld on Mahatma Gandhi
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
"When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself."
"The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing."