"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Jerry Seinfeld on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Jerry Seinfeld on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Jerry Seinfeld on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Jerry Seinfeld on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Jerry Seinfeld on John Lennon
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
"When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself."
"The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing."