"After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead."
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."Jimmy Carr on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Experience is not what happens to you it's what you do with what happens to you."Jimmy Carr on Aldous Huxley
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."Jimmy Carr on Audrey Hepburn
"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest Second, by imitation, which is easiest and third by experience, which is the bitterest."Jimmy Carr on Confucius
"If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."Jimmy Carr on Michael Jordan
"As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing."
"I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way."
"I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me."
"I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26."