"I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Jimmy Carr on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Jimmy Carr on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Jimmy Carr on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Jimmy Carr on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Jimmy Carr on James C. Dobson
"As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing."
"I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way."
"I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me."
"After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead."