"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Jimmy Durante on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Jimmy Durante on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Jimmy Durante on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Jimmy Durante on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Jimmy Durante on Elbert Hubbard
"Why can't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone."