"Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'"
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Jimmy Fallon on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Jimmy Fallon on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Jimmy Fallon on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Jimmy Fallon on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Jimmy Fallon on Erma Bombeck
"I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed."
"We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car, up in the air and over to another car in a continuous shot while the film was still rolling, going 90 mph."
"My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass."
"I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with."
"If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice."