"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
"An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."Joan Rivers on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized."Joan Rivers on Albert Einstein
"Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized."Joan Rivers on Albert Einstein
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery."Joan Rivers on Malcolm X
"If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem."Joan Rivers on Abraham Lincoln
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."