"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."Joan Rivers on Robert Frost
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."Joan Rivers on Buddha
"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."Joan Rivers on Will Smith
"Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it."Joan Rivers on Sai Baba
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."Joan Rivers on George Bernard Shaw
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."