"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
"Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right."Joan Rivers on Abraham Lincoln
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."Joan Rivers on Mother Teresa
"When the solution is simple, God is answering."Joan Rivers on Albert Einstein
"While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation."Joan Rivers on Maya Angelou
"Never trust anyone completely but God. Love people, but put your full trust only in God."Joan Rivers on Lawrence Welk
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."