"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life now that I am old I know that it is."Joan Rivers on Oscar Wilde
"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money."Joan Rivers on John Ruskin
"Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants."Joan Rivers on Benjamin Franklin
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."Joan Rivers on Mark Twain
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."Joan Rivers on Mark Twain
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."