"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."Joan Rivers on Albert Einstein
"One of the greatest casualties of the war in Vietnam is the Great Society... shot down on the battlefield of Vietnam."Joan Rivers on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one."Joan Rivers on Albert Einstein
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."Joan Rivers on Dwight D. Eisenhower
"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills we shall never surrender."Joan Rivers on Winston Churchill
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."