"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."Joan Rivers on Confucius
"The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew."Joan Rivers on Abraham Lincoln
"A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history."Joan Rivers on Mahatma Gandhi
"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much it is whether we provide enough for those who have little."Joan Rivers on Franklin D. Roosevelt
"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."Joan Rivers on Thomas Jefferson
"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."