"If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure."
"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain."Joe Rogan on Mae West
"Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things."Joe Rogan on Keanu Reeves
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."Joe Rogan on Mitch Hedberg
"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and its good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete."Joe Rogan on Keith Sweat
"Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others."Joe Rogan on Wayne Dyer
"The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone."
"I had a sense of who I was before I got famous."
"I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do."
"That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard."
"It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks."