"One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."John Hodgman on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."John Hodgman on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."John Hodgman on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."John Hodgman on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."John Hodgman on Elbert Hubbard
"I think that obviously, there is a perverse attraction to a fundamentally changed world or the end of the world. There is a death wish, a perverse death wish. Not just for ourselves, not just for the movie 'Death Wish,' but for the end of all human life."
"When you think about it, the end of the world is a little bit like death: We all know it's going to come eventually, and as we get older, we feel we see the signs more and more distinctly."
"People who run for president seriously and people who become president enter a bizarre secret society in which they have had an experience that none of us will ever have."
"As a freelance writer, I'd be asked to become an expert for various magazines on any subject, whether food or wine or history or the life span of veterinarians. I was completely unschooled in any of these things."
"People forget how outcast 'They Might Be Giants' can be. They have a reputation for writing really deft, funny, clever melodies, and they also make a lot of music for kids, which is terrific, but when you see them in concert, they can rock the house."