"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Johnny Carson on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Johnny Carson on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Johnny Carson on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Johnny Carson on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Johnny Carson on Elbert Hubbard
"Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'"
"My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day."
"For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off."
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."