"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."
"God gave us the gift of life it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."Johnny Vegas on Voltaire
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."Johnny Vegas on Oprah Winfrey
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."Johnny Vegas on Jim Valvano
"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity."Johnny Vegas on Eleanor Roosevelt
"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."Johnny Vegas on Brian Tracy
"I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind."
"You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is."
"I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion."
"My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with."
"I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them."