"The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year."
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."Johnny Vegas on Calvin Coolidge
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."Johnny Vegas on Roy L. Smith
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."Johnny Vegas on George Carlin
"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."Johnny Vegas on Dr. Seuss
"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."Johnny Vegas on Benjamin Franklin
"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."
"I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind."
"You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is."
"I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion."
"My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with."