"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
"Be thankful for what you have you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."Jon Stewart on Oprah Winfrey
"The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest."Jon Stewart on William Blake
"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."Jon Stewart on Henry Van Dyke
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."Jon Stewart on Erma Bombeck
"To give thanks in solitude is enough. Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows much more about it than you do."Jon Stewart on Victor Hugo
"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
"McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."
"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."
"I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food."
"If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that."