"The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him."
"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."Jon Stewart on Steven Wright
"Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery."Jon Stewart on Calvin Coolidge
"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."Jon Stewart on Robert Frost
"Make crime pay. Become a lawyer."Jon Stewart on Will Rogers
"Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens."Jon Stewart on Plato
"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
"McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."
"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."
"I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food."
"If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that."