"Men mourn for what they have lost women for what they ain't got."
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Josh Billings on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Josh Billings on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Josh Billings on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Josh Billings on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Josh Billings on John Lennon
"I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry."
"The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust."
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way."
"One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs."
"The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout."