"But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Kathy Griffin on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Kathy Griffin on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Kathy Griffin on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Kathy Griffin on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Kathy Griffin on Elbert Hubbard
"The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness."
"The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are."
"No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there."
"Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice."
"A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor."