"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Les Dawson on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Les Dawson on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Les Dawson on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Les Dawson on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Les Dawson on Elbert Hubbard
"Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up."
"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'"