"Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas."
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."Lewis Black on Calvin Coolidge
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."Lewis Black on Roy L. Smith
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."Lewis Black on George Carlin
"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."Lewis Black on Dr. Seuss
"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."Lewis Black on Benjamin Franklin
"A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'"
"All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice."
"If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat."
"It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!"