"Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas."
"Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future."Lewis Black on John F. Kennedy
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself."Lewis Black on Mark Twain
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."Lewis Black on Plato
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."Lewis Black on Milton Friedman
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything."Lewis Black on Joseph Stalin
"A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'"
"All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice."
"If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat."
"It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!"