"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Lewis Grizzard on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Lewis Grizzard on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Lewis Grizzard on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Lewis Grizzard on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Lewis Grizzard on James C. Dobson
"I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married."
"You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'"