"I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Martin Short on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Martin Short on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Martin Short on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Martin Short on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Martin Short on Elbert Hubbard
"David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He's a very cool, hip guy. This film, let's face it, is like an homage to him, I would imagine he'd find it funny."
"I have sometimes imagined my own death and brought myself to tears."