"For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets."
"To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him."Michael Showalter on Buddha
"A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone."Michael Showalter on Billy Graham
"We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves."Michael Showalter on Henry Ward Beecher
"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."Michael Showalter on Sigmund Freud
"Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride."Michael Showalter on Ron Taffel
"A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it."