"It's amazing what we can get away with and what we can't. But it's not for me to decide."
"Sometimes I think my husband is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be."Mike Judge on Angelina Jolie
"If you tell people where to go, but not how to get there, you'll be amazed at the results."Mike Judge on George S. Patton
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."Mike Judge on Harry S. Truman
"If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you."Mike Judge on Les Brown
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."Mike Judge on Conan O'Brien
"I don't return anybody's calls unless it's going to mean extra money for me. And I've completely cut off all relationships with any friends that I had before the show. And I've copped an attitude."
"Beauty and the Beast seemed like it all was really brown. The whole thing was just so brown and orange and yellow, like Burger King or something. I don't think I would have liked Beauty and the Beast at any age."
"Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it."
"They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever."
"One thing I was thinking about is that they probably get their come-uppance about the same percentage that people in real life do. Basically, stealing for all practical purposes might as well be legal in New York."