"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."Mitch Hedberg on Eleanor Roosevelt
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."Mitch Hedberg on Walt Disney
"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."Mitch Hedberg on T. E. Lawrence
"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."Mitch Hedberg on Harriet Tubman
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."Mitch Hedberg on James Dean
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"