"I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Moon Unit Zappa on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Moon Unit Zappa on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Moon Unit Zappa on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Moon Unit Zappa on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Moon Unit Zappa on Elbert Hubbard
"I had a friend whose family had dinner together. The mother would tuck you in at night and make breakfast in the morning. They even had a spare bike for a friend. It just seemed so amazing to me."
"My Dad was so open creatively that I was off in search of black turtleneck bathing suits with long sleeves."
"We had two rules growing up in my house: If you're going to take a shower, do it with whomever you're dating so you don't waste water and if you buy one for yourself, buy six, because everybody's going to want one."
"Your own experience keeps taking you towards something. My book adds the hope that it's a better something."
"If there's anything more mortifying than being famous at 14, it's being washed up right after."