"Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Neil Simon on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Neil Simon on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Neil Simon on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Neil Simon on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Neil Simon on James C. Dobson
"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy."
"Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money."
"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."
"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending."