"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy."
"It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds. A Harvard education and a Yale degree."Neil Simon on John F. Kennedy
"God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars."Neil Simon on Elbert Hubbard
"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."Neil Simon on Robert Orben
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."Neil Simon on Erma Bombeck
"Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know."Neil Simon on T. S. Eliot
"Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money."
"Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples."
"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."
"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending."