"I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California."
"When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself."Paula Poundstone on Tecumseh
"Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books - especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day."Paula Poundstone on John Wooden
"When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others."Paula Poundstone on Dalai Lama
"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."Paula Poundstone on Albert Schweitzer
"Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts."Paula Poundstone on Alan Cohen
"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."
"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."
"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings."
"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."
"I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family."