"Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Red Skelton on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Red Skelton on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Red Skelton on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Red Skelton on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Red Skelton on Elbert Hubbard
"His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad."
"Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations."
"Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles."
"God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being."
"I left home because I was hungry."