"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."Rita Rudner on Albert Einstein
"One of the greatest casualties of the war in Vietnam is the Great Society... shot down on the battlefield of Vietnam."Rita Rudner on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one."Rita Rudner on Albert Einstein
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."Rita Rudner on Dwight D. Eisenhower
"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills we shall never surrender."Rita Rudner on Winston Churchill
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."