"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."Rita Rudner on Mark Twain
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."Rita Rudner on Henry Ford
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."Rita Rudner on Mark Twain
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."Rita Rudner on Kurt Vonnegut
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."Rita Rudner on Robert Frost
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."