"My Vegas act is how I make my money."
"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life now that I am old I know that it is."Rita Rudner on Oscar Wilde
"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money."Rita Rudner on John Ruskin
"Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants."Rita Rudner on Benjamin Franklin
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."Rita Rudner on Mark Twain
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."Rita Rudner on Mark Twain
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."