"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Rita Rudner on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Rita Rudner on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Rita Rudner on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Rita Rudner on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Rita Rudner on John Lennon
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."