"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Rita Rudner on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Rita Rudner on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Rita Rudner on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Rita Rudner on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Rita Rudner on Steven Wright
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."