"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Robert Orben on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Robert Orben on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Robert Orben on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Robert Orben on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Robert Orben on Elbert Hubbard
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
"Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success."
"Quit worrying about your health. It will go away."