"There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong."
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."Ron White on Mae West
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."Ron White on Jim Davis
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."Ron White on Orson Welles
"No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means."Ron White on Maimonides
"Adopting a new healthier lifestyle can involve changing diet to include more fresh fruit and vegetables as well as increasing levels of exercise."Ron White on Linford Christie
"When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range."
"Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane."
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
"The next time you have a thought... let it go."
"I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."