"When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range."
"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."Ron White on Pope John XXIII
"When one has not had a good father, one must create one."Ron White on Friedrich Nietzsche
"My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him."Ron White on Eminem
"I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father's equal, and I never loved any other man as much."Ron White on Hedy Lamarr
"Whoever does not have a good father should procure one."Ron White on Friedrich Nietzsche
"Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane."
"There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong."
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
"The next time you have a thought... let it go."
"I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."