"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
"Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country."Roseanne Barr on Margaret Thatcher
"A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body."Roseanne Barr on Benjamin Franklin
"Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."Roseanne Barr on Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."Roseanne Barr on Bill Cosby
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."Roseanne Barr on Robert Frost
"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"
"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."
"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
"Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce."
"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."