"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."Roseanne Barr on Albert Einstein
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."Roseanne Barr on Martin Luther King, Jr.
"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."Roseanne Barr on Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."Roseanne Barr on Maya Angelou
"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe."Roseanne Barr on Dalai Lama
"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"
"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
"Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce."
"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."