"Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Roseanne Barr on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Roseanne Barr on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Roseanne Barr on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Roseanne Barr on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Roseanne Barr on John Lennon
"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"
"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
"Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce."