"The year most of my high school friends and I got our driver's permits, the coolest thing one could do was stand outside after school and twirl one's car keys like a lifeguard whistle. That jingling sound meant freedom and power."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Sloane Crosley on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Sloane Crosley on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Sloane Crosley on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Sloane Crosley on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Sloane Crosley on Steven Wright
"You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial."
"Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces of paper, four days on the left and three on the right. Every social engagement, interview, reading, flight, doctor's appointment, birthday and dry-cleaning reminder has been handwritten between metal loops."
"I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory."
"The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar square with some of Martha, I have to share it with all of Martha."
"My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics."