"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."
"Great minds discuss ideas average minds discuss events small minds discuss people."Steven Wright on Eleanor Roosevelt
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."Steven Wright on Albert Einstein
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."Steven Wright on William Shakespeare
"One sees great things from the valley only small things from the peak."Steven Wright on Gilbert K. Chesterton
"All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope."Steven Wright on Winston Churchill
"How young can you die of old age?"
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."