"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."Steven Wright on Abraham Lincoln
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."Steven Wright on Margaret Thatcher
"Knowledge will give you power, but character respect."Steven Wright on Bruce Lee
"All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."Steven Wright on Friedrich Nietzsche
"Character is power."Steven Wright on Booker T. Washington
"How young can you die of old age?"
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."