"On bad days, I think I'd like to be a plastic surgeon who goes to Third World countries and operates on children in villages with airlifts, and then I think, 'Yeah, right, I'm going to go back to undergraduate school and take all the biology I missed and then go to medical school.' No. No."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Tama Janowitz on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Tama Janowitz on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Tama Janowitz on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Tama Janowitz on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Tama Janowitz on Erma Bombeck