"I'll go to see movies, but I also love being at home on my couch and pausing every 10 minutes to pee."
"Film spectators are quiet vampires."Tim Heidecker on Jim Morrison
"Am I a romantic? I've seen 'Wuthering Heights' ten times. I'm a romantic."Tim Heidecker on Johnny Depp
"You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."Tim Heidecker on Steve Martin
"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country."Tim Heidecker on Clint Eastwood
"Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood."Tim Heidecker on Walt Disney
"I think the great sketch shows, like 'Python' and 'Mr. Show,' they didn't stick around for very long. There's something kind of cool about that."
"My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical."
"Most of my ideas just come out funny."
"Sometimes laughing isn't the best judge of what's funny, 'cause I think there's a lot of things that are really funny that don't make you laugh, that don't make you physically, audibly make a noise, but is something that is much more powerful than that."
"There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted, intelligent person making the right choices."